Wednesday, 21 January 2015

From Script to Screen - OGR 1 21/01/15

1 comment:

  1. OGR 22/01/2015

    Hi Jack,

    This is good solid basis, but I think it's lacking a proper punchline - and also I wonder if the ingenuity of the pogo-stick means it should be the invention of the smaller, smarter sculptor? The whole issue here is brains over brawn and ingenuity over effort, so I can see how, while the brawny one is knackering himself out by climbing up to the top of his sculpture etc. , our quick-witted friend has fashioned a pogo-stick out of neighbouring wildlife to accomplish the same feat with a minimum of effort. Indeed, this idea of employing wildlife to assist him could be a running gag - for example, using a nearby beaver to chew through wood, as opposed to the other guy's hammer and chisel.

    In terms of the actual sculptures, I'm wondering if it would make sense if it was a totem-pole carving competition?

    In this way, I'm wondering too if this needs to be a 'sculpting competition' at all; for example, if you were to introduce 2 native American chieftains, both of whom want to turn two enormous trees into their respective totem-poles through sculpting, your story remains pretty much the same, but you don't have to set-up the whole premise of a 'competition' you just need to set up the initial rivalry. This would also give you a very clear visual concept - Native American imagery - in terms of environment design and character design.

    Anyway - just a thought.

    So - ACT 3 - to me it just feels as if you need a bigger joke/bigger reveal/bigger surprise somehow - a visual gag in addition to the fact of the other guy winning. This might be as simple as the audience not being shown the full extent of the skinny character's sculpture until the final reveal, whereupon we see something truly epic.

    I think you need to just tighten everything up a bit more: and derive more from your location/ethnicity (because this will make your job as production designer much easier). The idea of it being a 'competition' between two rival sculptors/carvers doesn't mean that it has to be set in an actual competition - that said, the idea of it being the annual Totem Pole carving competition between rival tribes still works - it's just that electing for something as specific as totem poles might help you get to grips with the mechanics of the actual happen and how it happens - and again, to restate, it does seem as if the pogo-stick is currently being used by the wrong character.